I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
