Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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