I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
