I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Michael Bay diarrhea
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
