I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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