Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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