i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
