Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
How's work?
Spinning.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
