haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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