I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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