is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
