Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
