There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
