sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
