i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
