I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
