I think i peed on brittanys purse
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm having to shit out rocks
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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