saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
