Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
