Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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