Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
