wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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