Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
