there's paper in my vomit.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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