If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
