If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
