All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
COCAINE IS GR8
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
