Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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