I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
