My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
