can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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