So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
