shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
