end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
