I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Randomize
