I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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