Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
time to smoke my breakfast
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
