You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
