I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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