3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
