I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
