Where is the hickey?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
