We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
