it was like eating out sand paper
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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