he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She's like a pop up book from hell.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
