So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
