He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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