do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
