she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
