i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
