Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
